People who say that we should be happy in our lives are also the ones who don't like it when we make it better. "Khush raho," But never do something that we don't want you to do.
A Pakistani woman recently left her husband due to emotional abuse. The couple lived in America, and the woman reports that several times she felt that the only reason he didn't hit her was because he was a brown man in a white country and she could blow the whistle on him.
Apparently, the woman left in the middle of the night after her husband had left home for his week at work. He had a job where he wouldn't be home for days and when he was, wouldn't waste a chance to remind his wife of how unworthy she was. The same woman who cleaned his house, looked after his daughter, and cooked food according to his likes and dislikes was constantly told off for conversing with her family over the phone, for asking for money from her working husband who believed he earned enough for the three of them, and was yelled at for any minor inconvenience that befell her husband.
When the woman finally left, with her daughter, to live with her sister in a different country, she was sent threats by her husband via email, and her family numbers received calls from him demanding his wife back and terrible consequences if she's not returned. But that's not all the misfortune that followed her. She received calls from family members wishing that she either return and apologize or, from the more forward thinking ones, divorce and remarry as soon as possible to avoid the judgement of others.
She was told by them about how concerned they were for her, but also of what their relatives would think and how embarrassing the situation is for their family. Ever since, she has been doing her best to become financially independent and is raising her daughter all on her own. She confides in her sisters about the judgement she receives from the other family members and the relief she feels for finally being free.
Marriage should not mean imprisonment. Marriage is supposed to give you a partner through thick and thin, not a constant nagging of how undeserving and miserable you are. Not only that, but other people should not be given control over your life through their opinions. This life is ours to lead and even Islam demands that we do not tolerate humiliation and antagonism but fight against it, against unjust behavior towards ourselves and others, and against the hate in our world.
Many people believe she overreacted since she was never hit by him. But a person shouldn't need visible scars to be allowed to chase something better, to leave the abuse for happiness and freedom. One shouldn't need physical proof to show the world they don't deserve to be forced to keep living the life they are living. And most importantly, we shouldn't demand such proof, because who are we and with what right are we asking for it?
Women are starting to recognize their rights, and the only people who fear this change are the ones who want to deny them those rights. Divorce is becoming common because more women are refusing to endure mistreatment and instead of accusing them of dishonoring their families, we need to support them in leaving toxic households to give themselves what they deserve; a life where they aren't walking on eggshells and preparing themselves for another face off with someone who refuses to give them the respect, love and devotion of a life partner.
It doesn't require a master's degree to know that no one should be insulted and degraded by anyone, much less their spouses. Why are we still looking down upon women who reject this behavior towards themselves instead of the people who are adopting that behavior and those encouraging it?
Normalize walking away. Normalize leaving abuse behind. Normalize fighting for ourselves.